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A Deeper Understanding

12 Jun

June 12

Summer was coming but it was hard to tell in Pandaria: the land is so lush and green.. the only snow I have seen in this land was at the summit of Kun’lai..its such a change from the heavy snowfalls we used to get in the Peaks. There we could tell when the seasons passed ,but the changes were so short, and winter seemed to last forever in some areas.I suppose the closest place you get to summer was in Sholozar,but then you had to contend with the myriad variety of flora and fauna that wanted to take a good bite out of you.I suppose Grizzly Hills was another place the seasons would change.

I guess I’m a little homesick for Northrend.. though I love it here..I can’t help be reminded of all the land that was my home for most of my adult life.. I don’t even count Outland.. that.. is a place I would rather forget. I’m looking forward to going to Northrend with Fnar,and just being able to spend some alone time with him. The farmhouse ,as delightful as it is, is too accessible by others, to be really alone.It’s frustrating  , we start getting amorous ,and someone starts knocking on the door needing his help.A couple of times, I had to remind him to put his pants on before answering the door, while I enjoyed the view immensely, I don’t think others would be too appreciative of his obvious male attributes.

The injuries from my encounter with the Mogu, have all but healed.. the ribs are still tender.and will be for a little while longer.. just the way with bones setting. I find its alot easier to breathe now.. which is a huge plus in my books. Pretty hard to make love when one is gasping for air, and since I got the go ahead from the healer, lets just say.. Fnar,and I were making up for lost time… and then some.Oh there are are times, we just have to look at each other, and the clothes go flying ..I never met anyone like him before..I’m finding the longer I’m with him, the less I want to be anywhere else.. there is this overwhelming feeling in my chest, like I”m overflowing with something I can’t describe. When he comes home from camp, just seeing his face each morning,and each evening reminds me just how lucky I am to have found him..that wicked grin of his, sets my blood on fire..the way he calls me My Love, makes my heart melt. The feel of his arms around me,when he hold me close to him,asleep or awake .only reinforces the fact that I am his. I will not presume to call him mine, but that is how I feel ..he is my heart,and the sun in my sky..but to claim him as mine. I cannot do so  until I know that is what he desires;  he and I are very much against marriage.. especially the marriages of convenience that is so common among our race.

I don’t know why I’m thinking like this.. I suppose the reality of knowing that our lives are hanging on the edge, whim to the vagaries of a madman has hit me harder than I realized.. I don’t want to spend of my life constantly fighting..I have spent most of my life in one battle or another..I’m tired..tired of fighting.. tired of having to struggle to survive.. tired of upholding my right to exist ,to idiots ,who have nothing on their minds but hate and bloodshed. I think now more than ever, the desire to  have a family of my own has gotten stronger; it’s not so much to continue a line that is all but extinct.,but the deep desire to have a family, and try to forget this conflict. To carry a sleeping child in my arms than a bow in my hands, to be there to comfort them when they are hurt or scared..I suppose I want to give them what I had stolen from me, what both Fnar and I were both denied… a normal happy childhood that so many have taken for granted.How we would be as parents, I don’t know.. but I do know I don’t want anyone else to be father to my children.. when we first talked about children.. I was so sure that I could raise them on my own if he wasn’t ready to accept the role.. but the more time we spent together.. the more I realized I didn’t to raise any child we created alone.. I wanted him with me…want. seems so inadequate for how I feel about him…I .just don’t know how to explain how I feel….I’m.. afraid..that if I tell him how I feel…he would think I am trying to talk him into marriage..and run. Can I deal with him leaving?!…..I…don’t know….

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2 Comments

Posted by on June 12, 2013 in Andromedda

 

2 responses to “A Deeper Understanding

  1. wowstorylines

    June 12, 2013 at 9:11 pm

    So many questions and so many thoughts that lead to the fact that these two are probably falling in love – that doesn’t always have to equate to marriage. They can be together without that fine little piece of paper and have a family, you know. Hehe, Fnar is thinking about his feelings too and what he should do about them – maybe they should have a talk when they take their trip. Great read and yes, the emotions were deeply felt there.

     
  2. dnooskey

    June 12, 2013 at 9:24 pm

    Oh I totally agree.. sometimes the strongest and deepest commitments are made without that little piece of paper.They definitely need to talk when they take their trip, because things just took a step in a direction neither of them were expecting ,and rather than dirve themselves crazy worrying about what the other is thinking, it’s probably best they laid it out in the open.,and go from there.

     

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