Ran into my father earlier ,and he was all for us heading back to Silvermoon but I had to remind him that I couldn’t leave yet.. only just got here.He wasn’t too happy with the idea that I was here, not back in Silvermoon finding myself a husband to marry but I had to break it to him that I was not ready to get married and the more he insisted, the more stubborn I was going to be about this. I don’t want to get married, I’m refuse to be a broodmare for someone else’s family, when my own is in dire straits..knowing these pompous peacocks , none of them would be willing to take on the Nightheart name in favour of their own.I’m not stupid , I know how society works. Full pretentious people ,so full of themselves. I think the only reason men insist on virgin brides, they don’t like criticism if she was more experienced and found them lacking. There was one man , who made me feel as Fnar did.. he was the closest thing to a mate that I came to but our time was short, and he died in an avalanche back up in the Peaks.For a time , I felt like joining him but we were without a leader, and so I became the chieftess after his death.
My father was a little concerned that I would pick up his bad habits, though I pretended to not know what he meant, I knew exactly what he was referring to . Before he married my mother ,and had my brother and I ; my father as well as my uncle Xrkun, were well known in the brothels of Silvermoon, however the love of my mother, was what calmed him down ,and turned him in a devoted husband and father.He never gotten over her death, it still haunts him and for a time ,he had mercifully forgotten his past and his losses when he had been made into a deathknight. It was only recently that he had found me, after he regained memory of his past, after seeing my aunt Desiree , who had also been made a deathknight
My father often referred to me as his “angel ” ,and I try to be good ,and make him proud but all those years being alone ,and learning to survive, has taught me that being good ,and being strong were two different things. It I wanted to survive , I had to be strong.. being good was an option ,at the time, not a priority.Unlike most, I lived life from day to day..there were no long term goals..because in the harshness of the North, you never knew what was going to happen from one moment to the next..you survived the best you could. The men and women in my tribe ,grew up fast in those harsh times, there was no room for softness, There was no such luxuries as saving yourself for someone else,and many of the women in my tribe already had children at some point or another.
I know my father was insistent on me using birth control , he wanted me to be careful when I was with my lover .I don’t know what he wants from me.. one hand he wants me to rebuild the Nightheart line but on the other hand he wants me to be careful.Which is it to be?! I love my father but I have grown up without someone telling me what to do for many years now.. I will respect him ,but he needs to realize I’m not a little girl anymore. I ‘m a grown woman, I have had my own life, and lead others to survival . I will not be pushed into marriage , I will not be treated like property..like so many young women . Though my father says I’m like my mother, I’m also much like him as well.
Though I’m leery about introducing him to Fnar..he wants to meet the man ,who has been putting a smile on my face, but I know he will want to know when we are getting married, and even though I told him, neither of us are ready or wanting to get married, he is still old fashioned about somethings .. however I know he can’t say too much ,considering the harem he has himself.. nope .he’s got no room to talk. I enjoy my time with Fnar, he’s just as free spirited and independant as I am , and we have alot of fun beneath the sheets. however its not just that.. We enjoy the time after ,just cuddling and talking , just being with him, makes me feel something I haven’t in a long time..happy, complete..like I found the missing part of myself that had been lost ,leaving me empty and unfulfilled.If what we did created a baby, I know we both weren’t using protection..I suppose deep down inside I was ready to be a mother, but I certainly didn’t want to be married.. I just couldn’t see myself being the dutiful little wife, sacrificing my desires and needs to please someone else. If I wanted to do that, it would be because I wanted to , not because someone demanded it. I know my father wouldn’t approve but there is much about me he doesn’t know, nor understand..we have been raised in different environments , different times so understandably our viewpoints are different. He knew Silvermoon in all it’s glory before the Scourge invasion, he was there when our people were allied with the Humans..whereas I knew nothing else but war..those fleeting times when I was child was just a memory..if that.. there is a period of time that I can’t recall …like there is a wall preventing me from seeing that part of my life.It must have been truly traumatic if I can’t remember.
Well with Fnar on patrol, I have to content myself with memory of our time at the house on the hill. ..actually that’s a bad idea.. just the thought of him, makes me want him even more, and I know it will be awhile before we can be together again…ohh its going to be a long week.