Why is it that whenever there is a break of some sort from school, someone inevitably gets sick. This time, it was my husband who got nailed with a cold, then our two older kids, now me,and our youngest. So far far, I managed to avoid getting the cold but made up the lack with bouts of allergies attacks and bad sinuses. Oddly enough , being the one with the compromised immune system, I’m doing pretty darn good. Crossing fingers for the next nine monthes of the year,and hoping I can avoid everything else that comes our way.
Monthly Archives: March 2013
In a strange turn of fate, out of curiosity I asked my father what my name was when I was born. He had a strange look on his face at first , when he said my mother had named me, despite the fact it was not a name he approved of. To add injury to insult ,she named me after her lover’s sister , despite the fact , her lover was not the father of me.It had been her way of rubbing salt in the wound, silently punishing my father simply because she was married to him , and not her lover, who summarily dismissed her from his life when she became pregnant. Seelah… was the name given to me.. and it was a name that would always mean shame to me. When I asked him what was the name he preferred, he smiled softly before he answered ” Danya….it was your great grandmother’s name.. it was supposed to be yours but your dam would have nothing of it”
When I told him that my first set of foster parents, thought I looked more like a Danu,or Dani as they are fond of calling me , he started chuckling before commenting ” I must say , they certainly had good taste in names..it seems like Fate has decided your name was to be Dani ,no matter the name given to you ” Nodding I smile before whispering ” I think I will keep the name Danya…I never knew the reason why my foster parents named me Danu, and I doubt I could ever use the name Seelah, without wanting to vomit. ” He nodded a warm smile crossing his face , before he surprised us both by planting a fatherly kiss on my forehead .It was the first genuine expression of affection he bestowed upon me.. and.. it felt good.!
When I met my younger brother.. I think we were both nervous , since the only knowledge we had of each other was through stories ; not very accurate ones I wager. He was the remaining child ,of my father and Reaylm. After the first awkward meeting, we found out that we had more in common than we realized,and resolved to get know each other ,to make up for the time ,we were robbed of. With his mother’s red hair,and easy smile, he still had the Winterbourne striking looks ,that made for a striking young man. He would be breaking alot of hearts among the young ladies; course being his big sister, it was my duty to make sure , certain women don’t try and take advantage of him,and play him ,like his brothers have been played. I am not ready to lose another brother.
The meeting with my father was supervised, given the recent history., the Matriarch wasn’t quite ready to leave him alone with me.. not that I can blame her.. both of us have alot of healing to do .Oddly enough ,my birthmother’s own words confirmed that I was indeed my father’s child..however the rest of her diary..only confirmed his suspicions of her cheating on him. I had found her diary by accident when I was given her room,upon our return to the Goldmoon estate. I had been exploring it when I noticed a loose floorboard. While trying to return it in place< i found a wrapped bundle underneath,and discovered her diary. When I opened that dusty volume, I was shocked by what I found in there. She had been unfaithful all throughout their marriage, but he got his revenge. The one night he had with her, was enough to sire me , and curb her wandering ways. Her lover at the time, discovering that she was pregnant with her lawfully wed husband’s child, left her high and dry for more profitable pursuits. She used my existence as a weapon against my father, threatening on more than one occasion to end the pregnancy if she did not get her way. It made me sick that she would use me like that, before I was even born against my father . The more I read, the more sickened I became at her childish behaviour,and the more I became to understand my father a little more.
After I was born.,she seemed to settle down for a little while but that didn’t last .before the tantrums and the emotional blackmail began .. she found out about his mistress then,and decided to use that knowledge to her own ends. To her , I was nothing more than a burden; a weight around her neck. preventing her from pursuing her previous hobbies; like seeing how many men she can manipulate. It was painful reading that…then I found out something that put a whole new twist to everything I believed..my father, had planned to take me from her ,seeing that she had proven to be an unfit mother..he was going to divorce her,and marry Reaylm,raising me instead.. Reaylm not realizing that he meant to do that, thought he was going to have me killed because he believed that I was not his child, warned Silena..who took me ,and ran.However it was Silena , who had set the fires before she left, making people believe that my father succeeded in his assassination attempt….all this time .. he had been innocent of my supposed death, but no one would believe him.. not even me.
In some ways my mother’s diary helped clear up the confusion on what happened that fateful night.. however it destroyed any respect I had for her..to her .. I was nothing more than a tool to be used however she wished,a burden in some cases.. there was no words of maternal love ,no indications that she was happy that I was born.While my own mother loathed my presence, Reaylm welcomed me with open arms, she was the mother I wished I had ; not that I have hard feelings for my foster parents ,but I always felt alone , disconnected. Though my father and Reaylm are divorced now, oddly enough .. they became better friends than they were husband and wife. Though they were still connected through Shiav, Reaylm made a surprising announcement..she wanted me to consider her as my mother.She had already accepted me as Corvus’ child,but she longed for a daughter ,and lost the only one she bore . It made our current situation particularly awkward but she smiled and whispered that she would convince Sivad,that it was better this way. I don’t think he’s going to have much choice in the matter..but knowing him, he would not deny Reaylm this..such is his love for her.As much as I cared for him..I don’t think it was love as much as a young girl’s infatuation with an older man who had took her under his protective wing,and kept the danger at bay.
So much has happened since I last wrote , that I don’t even know where to begin.. everything seems to have past in such a blur that it’s to pick out one particular event to focus on. I suppose the most important is the fact that I am no longer being hunted by my sire.How did that happen you ask.. to be honest I’m not really sure how it happened.
As you know, my Sire has taken it into his head that I was a stain on his honor..at first I thought I was just some by blow of his from a some prostitute he hired for the evening.. turns out it was more than that.. I was his first child. No one really knows why he tried to put a hit out on his first wife and myself when I was barely a month old. I was placed into an orphanage by my mother to hide me from his wrath while she disappeared into the underbelly of Quel’thalas’ underworld.
I had been adopted by a human couple , who longed for a child of their own, and took me to live with them.From babyhood until I was six , they were my parents, raising me with love,and teaching me the important lessons about life as I grew from an infant to a little girl.My human father often carved out little toys for me from wood, some of them I still have today,and I was taught by my mother how to sew a fine seam,and how to tend to a garden ,which often provided for us during the summer season. Like most children I was taught the basics on how to care for a home and family. Everything was fine until a sickness took my parents from me,and I was left wandering the streets alone in the world. I was fortunate though, a high elf ranger seeing my pointed ears and blue eyes, took me home to his wife after learning I was an orphan, and they adopted me shortly after.
It was a happy life filled with love and laughter , I was cherished and loved ,like their very own.. my new mother could not have children,and they wanted a child of their own to love but fate seemed to have other plans for them. It took a little while before I got used to the idea that these were to be my new parents.and this would be my new home. Once I got past the shock of losing my first parents, my new parents were there to give me love and encouragement. My new father was a handsome man, with his dark brown hair, laughing blue eyes and rugged features. His eyebrows were a source of fascination to me..long and feathery. It wasn’t until I learned that I had the same brows that signified my Quel’dorei blood. I always knew I was different but never understood why .
My parents taught me in many subjects . my father taught me to fire my first bow,and how to care for it.. he was a ranger, serving Quel’thalas , under the capable leadership of Ranger General Sylvannas Windrunner. I remember seeing her a few times ,as my father often brought us into the city while he was on duty. We stay in the town house, while he was away on business. I can remember wanting to be like him ,and Lady Sylvannas when I grew up; a ranger.
I suppose all good things must come to an end; I lost my father during the last war, my mother only recently..though I still have the townhouse in which I grew up in , its being cared for by my retainers,whom I have arranged to have paid on a weekly basis while I’m away. Now that things are more or less settled , I can get back to hunting again.. something I missed during my unexpected sojourn.
The time I spent in that cabin, hidden away was peaceful and stressful at the same time. I was under the protection of the orc warrioress Dooskka,and Sivad, the enigmatic deathknight, who come to my aid ,after finding me in Orgrimmar. Charming, devilishly handsome, with a dry sense of humour,and singular wit..he kept me sane during my sequestion . I suppose after awhile, being enclosed in a small cabin with him,and the orc..with the intermittant visits with Reaylm, when she was able to get away, things started changing between him and I .There was an electricity between us..a heavy tension that wasn’t there before .. I was never more aware of it, until Reaylm was there for a visit. I was on the shore of the lake ,fishing with Dooskka, while Reaylm and Sivad had some time alone, I had just caught a huge fish, and had it strung up with the rest, when I realized I forgot my knife at the house. Without thinking I went to the house , to grab it. As soon as I stepped through the door, I knew I had come in at the wrong time.. the soft cries, the thumping on the ceiling , and the creaking of the bed springs told me what exactly was going on .and my face burned with embarrassment at walking in on such an intimate private moment.. but for the life of me… I couldn’t move .. I was mesmirized by the sounds, held transfixed. Though I knew about sex,and reproduction… I was still a virgin..fiercely protective of that one detail..not willing to sacrifice it for a momemt’s dalliance..however that moment it dawned on me that I wanted to be the one he was with..the one he was making love to..and I blushed fiercely before fleeing the house like fox from the hounds. For days after I avoided being alone with him.. afraid he would discover my secret. It was wrong and I knew it.. he was in love with Reaylm,and she with him.. I would not betray her kindness to me by wanting her lover as my own. I needed to leave..to get away before I did something stupid to ruin whatever we had.
For several nights I laid in my bed, covering my ears with my pillow as the sounds of their lovemaking drifted from beyond the closed door of their bedroom. Dooskka snored on obliviously ,ever so often snorting completely lost in her own dreams . It was hard to sleep ,and I would often wake up sullen and snappish, purple shadows under my eyes, indicating little to no sleep.Reaylm would cluck over me like a mother hen, chasing me back to bed, to get some sleep while Sivad would sit by the fire a cup of coffee in his hand a strange smile upon his lips. It wasn’t I happened to catch his eye and saw the strange heated look in them that made my knees turn to water ,and my stomach flip . He knew ! He knew all along but didn’t say anything just letting me flounder about like a beached fish. I felt like an absolute fool, especially after he looked to Reaylm with that look in his eyes, that I realized she knew as well but she didn’t seem to be upset at all about it. In fact ,she seemed to encourage me to take him up on his offer; to let him show me what means to be a woman. It was shocking, and I couldn’t believe what I was hearing..she was more than willing to share her lover with me . To say I was aghast was an understatement.. not that I was adverse to the idea of becoming a woman under his gentle tutelage but her tacit approval of it. She was a unique woman ,and I can see why Sivad loved her so much. She knew that she couldn’t be with him all the time , not when Corvus was still unaware of her affair with the deathknight,and like her , he had been alone . It was fate that brought them together as it did us.
In the midst of all this.. tragedy occurred.. my brothers had been fighting over some woman back in Silvermoon, a high paid whore as Reaylm explained ..when the youngest pulled a knife on his brothers, with full intention of killing them over this whore. They retaliated by beating him within an inch of his life.. which unfortunately proved fatal to him, he died of the injuries unable to breath ,and drowned in his own blood.It was only the first of the tragedies that would take place..As it was, Sivad’s surrogate daughter ,Magellanic :whom he had helped raise , was brought back to Silvermoon, barely alive by Reaylm’s brother Slavya ,who found the paladin near death in Dalaran after nearly starving herself while trying to stave off the ravages of withdrawal. She was a full blown addict, nearly consumed by addiction to the arcane , unfortunately now too weak and frail to protect herself from Corvus’ assassins if they ever chose to strike. The gallant warrior who saved her, was unfortunately called into service by the Regent Lord ,and was summarily shipped off to Pandaria to fight in the war. The news shook Reaylm.. until now, she had only Corvus and her sons to worry about, but now her brother was sent Light knows where, to secure the interests of the Warchief.. she was beside herself with worry.
We had barely just recieved the word of Slavya’s departure when tragedy struck again but this time very close to where we were. The oldest boys ,were found with the woman they had been fighting in the cabin across the lake..a Worgen had found them. The boys were fortunate..they died fast , the woman however suffered the worst of it..raped repeatedly, her head was found on the floor next to the bed, her body above her, lying on the bed on her stomach. The room was apparently a bloodbath. with blood staining the bed, along with the walls and the door. When I heard that I was sick with horror..no one should die like that. Poor Reaylm was heartbroken.. in a a matter of days, she lost three of her children in the most senseless way possible. No mother should have had to suffer through that.not once but three times. I stayed with her, while Sivad went to hunt the beast that killed her children.
After killing the beast , he had went to inform Corvus of the deaths of his sons. The news broke him.. he seemed to have lost whatever drive that made him do such horrible things..he called off the assassins, and gave Reaylm her freedom, by signing the divorce papers she had presented him years ago before she met Sivad. He had known about their affair but until now, had planned to himself of them both..now.. he let her go so she could be with Sivad.. be happy again. What was more surprising was that he had approached his mother ,and begged her forgiveness for all the hurt he caused.. he withdrew himself from the line of succession,putting his support behind Magellanic. As for his surviving son,and I ….we finally got to see the man ,whom Sivad knew before vengeance and hatred took him. He humbly apologized to us both for being such a terrible father,and understood if we never wanted to forgive him for all the things he did to us. All I wanted was for him to accept me as his, and in that one moment , my wish was granted . This was my true father.. the one whose blood flowed in my veins.. he was no longer the faceless man, who lurked in the shadows of my mind. I think I shocked us both when I told him , I forgave him.. though I couldn’t forget the things he did , I can forgive him, because it is not in my nature to hold a grudge..I told him.. what happened was in the past now.. it’s time to start anew.. to relearn what it is to be a family again.. For the first time, he actually smiled.. and it was genuine..